Have a Little Faith in Me

If you’ve read my previous write-ups about the Thai BL KinnPorsche and the growing relationships happening in the series, you’ve seen me talk a lot about trust and how precarious it is, how fragile the thread of faith is between two people, and how easily it can break. Especially if it’s been tested before in a previous relationship.

In Episode 8, Kinn crumpled up a photograph of himself and his ex Tawan before throwing it across the room with a muttered, “I’ll take that out later.”

Episode 9 tests that “later.” It shoves Kinn against a wall and whispers deviously, “How much do you trust yourself?”

And it takes all of us on an emotional ride in the process, throwing a lot of hurt feelings, jealousy, and humor together in a crazy mash-up I’m finding hard to look away from.

Rebuilding trust takes time. It’s a step-by-step process that I mention in my last write-up, one I continue to stand behind, and the reason why Kinn isn’t at a place to trust in someone entirely. Love has blinded him in the past, and he fears love will blind him again. He’s spent his life hiding how he feels. Even if his trust in Porsche is more profound than those around him realize, he won’t show it. He’s as equally fearful of hurting the ones he loves as he is hurting himself.

And that ends up hurting everyone anyway.

Let’s be honest here. The person Kinn least trusts is himself.
He doesn’t trust his heart, and he doesn’t fully trust his decisions. Kinn may seem strong, but he’s emotionally weaker compared to Porsche. He’s been battered with lies and betrayal so much that no direction seems like a safe bet; no choice seems like a good one. And he realizes that his past choices have also made those around him trust him less.

I truly believe Kinn has full faith in Porsche, but he needs time and proof to prove that to his people.

Kinn was beginning to heal and move beyond his past hurts into a more trustful existence when his ex Tawan reappears to destroy the tiny bit of progress he’s made, leaving him with one of the most significant moments his character has to face. It leaves him with a barrage of questions he’s chosen to ignore.

Until now.

How well does Kinn trust himself? How well does he trust his instincts? How well does his own family trust him? How well does the mafia trust him as a leader?

Most people would say that love and trust cannot be separated. I beg to differ. While it’s important to trust the ones we love, it’s possible to fall in love with someone you don’t trust. KinnPorsche is a perfect example of the complicated dynamic between loving and trusting someone.

Look at Vegas and Pete. No one fully trusts Vegas, but it doesn’t stop Pete from being drawn to him. It doesn’t prevent Pete from later falling in love with him. The VegasPete relationship is one I’m particularly excited to see play out on screen. The push and pull. The pain and fear. The give and take. The trauma and healing. The eventual trust that does grow from it.

Trust is the crux of the problem, and it’s a major theme in KinnPorsche.

Trust is the same wall separating Kim and Chay. Kim pursued Chay because he didn’t trust Porsche and, in the process, began falling for Porsche’s younger, innocent brother. It’s a relationship built on lies, mistrust, and paranoia, and it perfectly expresses how well love can grow as much from distrust as it can from trust.

Confused yet?

Love is complicated, but trust seems impossible. Trust is like a high mountain that adventurers want to conquer. The climb is treacherous and full of obstacles, the oxygen is thin above the clouds, and the risks one takes to get there can be fatal. But it’s worth it to get to the top of the summit, to see the world from the highest point, and to experience what absolute trust feels like.

It’s easy for someone outside of a relationship who really likes one of the people involved to say, “Just trust him already.” It’s much harder to be inside a relationship, especially one where everything and everyone around you seems suspicious, even your own family.

The Theerapanyakul family don’t even trust each other, much less the people closest to them. Kinn has a high mountain to climb, and it’s not his first time climbing. On his first trip up, he made it to the top only to realize he’d climbed it for nothing, that the world below was full of monsters and storms. The second time he attempted the trip, he was stopped halfway to the summit by the beast he’d fallen in love with on his first trip, a beast spewing sugary lies laced with temptation.

But this time, Kinn chose the right mountain. It might be harder to climb the summit Porsche is leading him up, but it will be worth the effort for both of them. Kinn is being much more cautious on his new journey, but his caution will also help him trust himself more later. Even as much as it hurts Porsche now.

All climbs start at the bottom. You have to start on the ground before you can reach the heavens.

If there’s one thing KinnPorsche does well, it’s showing viewers that love has steps, that we have to start from the bottom before getting to the top. We have to have faith in the characters we’ve fallen in love with. We have to have faith they’ll keep making the climb even if they keep getting knocked down along the way.

And, oh, what a trip up the mountain this show is taking us on for all the characters.

I leave you with Kinn’s promise. “I’m gonna clear things up with him. All I ask is to trust me.”

Alright, Kinn, let’s do this. Let’s keep climbing. Hang in there, Porsche. I feel like Kinn has a plan.

For a drama that challenges the complex dynamic between love and trust, check out KinnPorsche the series on iQiyi. The writers behind this series have done a great job building forbidden budding romances (from all the couples) around the central theme of trust.