Lost in Love

Sometimes it takes getting lost in order to be found.

And nowhere is this more obvious than in the recent episode of the Thai BL KinnPorsche, especially considering the emotional walls scaled by both of the main characters.

Appropriately titled, KinnPorsche delves into the lives of two very different men dealing with two very different traumas. Two men audiences connect with in two very different ways.

From the beginning, it’s much easier to relate to Porsche. He’s an optimist who wears his emotions. He’s loyal to a fault. The deep love he has for his family and those close to him is both beautiful and dangerous. Because he also trusts too easily.

And this is why it hurts so badly to see him broken.

It’s much harder to relate to Kinn. Burned by life and love, he represses his emotions and trusts no one. He’s raised inside a world where the lines between right and wrong are blurred, where violence, greed, and power replace affection. Where nothing is as it seems.

And this is why it’s so easy to be angry with him.
And yet, for me, nothing hurts more than seeing someone who has closed himself off from emotion becoming overwhelmed by it.

The last two episodes of KinnPorsche left viewers raw and rightly so. Hearts are broken. Morals are questioned. Lines are crossed.

As the rating implies, KinnPorsche doesn’t hold back, crossing the same emotional and moral lines one assumes would be crossed inside a mafia world. Emotions are thick. New love blossoms, but it blossoms inside a world with no sun. Porsche is like a flower trying to grow amidst a tangle of suffocating weeds, and he finds himself being invaded by one in particular.

Only Kinn isn’t the weed he seems to be. He’s a rose. Beautiful and protected by thorns.

Someone recently asked me my thoughts on the end of the fourth episode of KinnPorsche, and I said, “The best way to answer that is to say Kinn does cross the line, but the show’s rating covers it.”

Because he does, in fact, cross the line. The sixth episode not only owns what and who Kinn is and what he’s done, it also reveals the part of himself he keeps hidden, the part that understands the world he lives in and the part that loathes it. The parts he accepts about himself, and the parts he regrets.

Books, television, films, art, theater … all of it are full of complicated characters we all love to analyze and understand. They are full of varied human emotions we either want to be part of or want to experience from a safe distance.

But sometimes, we aren’t meant to understand everything.

And I think that’s what makes Episode 6 so incredibly powerful.

Think of it like night and day.

It’s much easier to love the day, to bask in the heat and happiness the sun gives off. It’s much harder to love the night, to revel in the cold and numbness associated with it. But when the moon comes out, it’s just as breathtaking.

Porsche is the sun. Kinn is the moon, hidden by darkness. But when Kinn shines, he is just as awe-inspiring as Porsche.

Although it’s danger that forces Kinn and Porsche into the wilderness, being lost together is symbolic because they are also emotionally lost, both of them dealing with overwhelming feelings and choices neither can take back.

“Porsche”
“What?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“About that night.”
“Can you please forgive me?”
“I’ve already done that a long time ago.”

Like the Episode 6 conversation between Kinn and Porsche quoted above, words are said, smiles are shared, laughter rings, apologies are offered, and forgiveness is given.

In short, Episode 6 is like the handcuffs that linked the two of them together, a pair of handcuffs Kinn is well aware he can remove.

Kinn’s chained himself to the sun, to the light he rarely lets himself indulge in.

And then he lets it go.

Porsche is everything Kinn doesn’t let himself be. Porsche is open, honest, strong, empathetic, and kind. He has a good sense of right and wrong.

Kinn is closed off, and Porsche has kicked open the door that keeps Kinn separated from the world.

It’s good that they got lost together, not only so that Kinn can be the person he would be if he weren’t surrounded by darkness, but so that the audience can grow close to the person Porsche has already come to understand.

One of the most potent things about KinnPorsche is how it represents love amidst that blurred divide between right and wrong.

We, as viewers, don’t have to understand why someone loves someone else. The same goes for real life. We don’t have to understand what makes someone care deeply for another. We don’t have to understand everyone’s choices. We don’t have to understand where people come from.

We simply need to know that sometimes love is unexpected. Love isn’t always beautiful. Sometimes love is the weed that chokes the stubborn flower refusing to die. Sometimes love is the weed that realizes it needs that flower to survive. Sometimes love is the weed that discovers it’s not as strong as it seems to be.

And the world is full of people who can relate to both the weed and the flower.

The camera shot of the handcuffs on the ground after Kinn tells Porsche to free himself at the end of the episode drove itself into my heart. Kinn released Porsche from the dark world Kinn can’t walk away from.

And that’s the only way Kinn knows how to say, “I love you.”

For those who have read the book and those who may suspect what’s coming next, we know this isn’t the end of Kinn being Kinn, a closed-off mess with trust issues. But it’s the first step in a journey he takes in letting go with the one person he felt safe letting go in front of.

And safe is not something Kinn ever feels, as noted by how he draws a gun every time he’s startled awake.

As for Porsche, the desperation is obvious in his final kiss. He didn’t want to walk away from Kinn, he wanted to walk away from the world that’s choking Kinn. The world that stole Porsche from his responsibility to Porchay and his dreams.

But then he came back to protect his heart.

There’s a lot of sacrifice happening in Episode 6, from Porsche offering to remove his hand to Kinn offering Porsche freedom. Both are beautiful unspoken ways of communicating how deep their feelings have become.

Next week, Kinn and Porsche return to the dark world they stumbled away from for a while. They both got a chance to breathe, and we got a chance to breathe with them.

Before returning to the fray, it’s important to remember that as powerful as “I love you” is, we often forget how equally powerful “I’m sorry” can be.

For a show that takes you there, check out KinnPorsche on iQiyi. And I also want to give a massive shout out to actors Mile Phakphum and Apo Nattawin for bringing Kinn and Porsche to life in such a magnificent and significant way.

Krishna’s Sidenote-

☆ To lighten the mood, we are sharing some stunning pictures of main couple Mile Phakphum and Apo Nattawin, who have been featured on the covers of popular magazines like Elle Thailand, Kazz Magazine, Posh Magazine Thailand, Mangu Magazine, Deling Magazine and Spotlight Magazine China !

3 thoughts on “Lost in Love”

  1. This show has absolutely consumed me in a way I never have been. I count down the hours until the next episode. I get nervous before clicking play. The writer and director adeptly woven humor throughout the tragedy. I’m smiling with them through the pain. Mile and Apo have gripped my heart with their portrayals of Kinn and Porsche. They feel so real. The precision and craft of filmmaking is on display in each episode. I gasped at the drone shot that kept going up and up over K&P in the old truck. Teen Vogue USA just published a fantastic article featuring interviews with Mile and Apo and some deep philosophical thoughts from them about their characters. I am thrilled to see US press to pick up on this gem, and Teen Vogue is one of the best to give it justice.

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  2. I am so invested in KinnPorche. I have to keep reminding that this is a drama, not a documentary about real personalities.
    To limit my praise of this fantastic series to just the BL genre is doing it grave injustice. Editing is tight, production is top notch, background score comes it at all the right moments and the title track & Jeff’s tracks are simply perfect for this series. I have the ultimate praise & respect for Mile & Apo and basically the whole cast. I am yet to come across a cast group which is so in sync with each other. Their expressions, even when they don’t have a line, is what takes this series to the next level of realism.
    KDrama land have awards for Best Pair. I don’t know if the Thai industry has something similar. If so, NOBODY can deny that Mile & Apo (Kinn & Porche) are the best lead pair characterisation of 2022.
    While Apo is brilliant in his role, i have always leaned towards Mile. I absolutely love his smiles and could always feel the internal struggle & responsibility load in his actions. Ep 6 allowed Kinn, the character, to relax and enjoy the simple joys of a regular person having honest conversations with the one you are quite obviously falling in love with. The ending scene where he ‘released’ Porche for his service was the 1st time he allowed himself to show his emotions to making a sentimental decision.
    On a different note, you have to see the side story that was released last night. My face was paining from all the smiling and joyful ‘Awww’ i expressed the multiple times I saw it and reacted on repeat.
    Looking forward to tmrw’s episode now …

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